LESSON #8 — You’re Allowed to Outgrow People Without Explaining Yourself

AKA: Being alone is better than staying past expiration.

*PREVIOUS LESSON QUIZ ANSWER*

Before we dive into today’s lesson, let’s close out the quiz from Lesson 7.

You were asked what to do when you realize you’re early into dating someone new and feel the urge to stay agreeable instead of honest.

The correct dark-side answer?

C.

C) Clearly state what you need and let their response determine whether you continue.

(This is the filter. This is the power move.)

Because here’s the truth:

Compatibility doesn’t require convincing.

Honesty doesn’t need cushioning.

And the right people don’t need you to perform to stay.

Alright.

Now let’s talk about the part of growth that doesn’t come with a press conference: leaving without a speech.

LESSON #8 — You’re Allowed to Outgrow People Without Explaining Yourself

If Lesson 7 taught you to stop auditioning,

Lesson 8 teaches you something quieter — and far more dangerous:

You don’t owe explanations for evolution.

You don’t need permission to change.

And you don’t have to drag expired connections into your next chapter just to prove you’re “nice.”

Let’s break it down, dark-side style.

Outgrowing People Is Not Betrayal

People love to say:

“I guess you’ve got new priorities now.”

“I miss how things used to be.”

“I feel like I don’t really know you anymore.”

They say it like something went wrong.

Like there was a meeting you skipped.

Like you owed them a memo.

But nothing happened.

Nothing blew up.

Nothing was stolen.

Nothing was done to them.

The connection just ran its course.

Some people don’t get left behind —they get outgrown.

And growth doesn’t come with exit interviews, group discussions, or a required explanation packet.

It comes with quiet distance.

Less access.

Shorter stays.

Earlier exits.

And dark-side logic says:

You don’t argue with expiration dates.

You stop consuming what’s gone bad.

Not because you’re cold —but because staying past expiration poisons you slowly.

Loneliness Is Uncomfortable. Staying Past Expiration Is Corrosive.

Here’s the part nobody prepares you for:

Loneliness is temporary.

Staying past expiration is not.

Loneliness feels like:

• quiet

• adjustment

• space

• recalibration

Staying past expiration feels like:

• constant tension

• self-editing

• rehearsing conversations

• explaining obvious shifts

• shrinking to keep the peace

One passes.

The other eats you alive slowly.

Dark-side logic says:

Feeling alone won’t ruin you.

Forcing yourself to stay where you no longer fit will.

Why People Demand Explanations When You Grow

Let’s be clear:

Most people don’t ask why because they’re confused.

They ask because they feel access slipping.

Explanations:

• soothe their discomfort

• invite debate

• reopen decisions you already made

• turn your growth into a group discussion

And the more you explain, the more they argue.

Dark-side truth:

You don’t owe growth notes to people who stopped reading you chapters ago.

Being Alone Is a Reset, Not a Failure

Somewhere along the way, being alone got labeled as a problem.

It’s not.

Being alone is:

• where clarity returns

• where self-trust rebuilds

• where you hear your own thoughts again

• where alignment begins

You’re not lonely.

You’re just not drowning in noise anymore.

Dark-side realization:

Solitude is where you remember who you are without interference.

Not Everyone Gets to Come With You

This one stings, so read it twice:

History does not guarantee access.

Love does not require proximity.

And familiarity does not equal compatibility.

Some people were perfect for earlier versions of you.

That doesn’t mean they’re entitled to the next one.

Dark-side truth:

If someone needs you to stay smaller to stay close, the relationship already expired.

THE SCENARIO — “You’ve Changed.”

Someone finally says it out loud.

“You’re not the same anymore.”

“You don’t talk like you used to.”

“You seem distant.”

Old-you would’ve:

• explained

• reassured

• apologized

• over-clarified

But dark-side you pauses.

Because you realize something important:

You’re not distant.

You’re just no longer forcing proximity where it doesn’t belong.

You didn’t grow apart.

You grew forward.

And instead of arguing, convincing, or defending…

You let the silence do what explanations never could.

SURVIVAL QUIZ

Dark-side pop quiz time!

Let’s see if you choose survival…

…or cling to something expired and act shocked when it makes you sick.

THE QUIZ SCENARIO — The Shared Space Slow Death

You live together.

Same couch.

Same fridge.

Same bed.

Same lease.

But not the same life anymore.

At first, it was small things:

You stopped sharing details.

They stopped asking questions.

You started spending more time alone.

They started scrolling instead of engaging.

Now?

The room feels heavy when you’re both in it.

You’re not fighting.

You’re not even arguing.

You’re just… coexisting.

Like polite strangers who know each other’s coffee orders.

One night, you’re cleaning up after dinner — again — and they casually say:

“So… are we okay? You’ve been kinda distant lately.”

Not angry.

Not concerned.

Just curious enough to reopen the door.

And suddenly you feel it:

That familiar urge to explain.

To soften.

To reassure.

To promise effort you don’t actually have anymore.

But your dark side is already clocked in.

Because you KNOW:

You’re not distant.

You’re done forcing alignment that expired months ago.

You didn’t fall out of love overnight.

You outgrew the dynamic quietly while sharing a Wi-Fi password.

This isn’t about fixing anything.

This is about whether you’re willing to keep living inside something that no longer fits.

Your dark side leans in.

This is a setup. Choose wisely.

THE QUESTION:

What’s the actual DARK-SIDE survival move here?

Choose carefully:

A) Reassure them everything’s fine and promise to “try harder.”

(Congrats. You just renewed the lease on resentment.)

B) Explain exactly how you’ve been feeling and hope it finally clicks.

(You’ve explained before. Nothing changed.)

C) Say: “I’ve been distant because I don’t feel aligned here anymore.”

(Calm. Honest. No performance.)

D) Ignore the conversation and keep coexisting until something explodes.

(Delayed damage is still damage.)

COMMENT YOUR PICK — the official dark-side answer gets revealed at the start of Lesson 9.

Choose wisely…or keep consuming what’s clearly expired and act surprised when it makes you sick.

Missed Previous Lessons? Check them out here: Lessons from the Dark Side

— Loretta

"Unmasking Evil, One Body at a Time"