LESSON #7 — Stop Auditioning. Start Disqualifying.
- Loretta & David Allseitz
- Dec 14
- 4 min read
Updated: Dec 15
AKA: The mask you wear early becomes the role you’re stuck playing — so say what you want and let the wrong people leave faster.
*PREVIOUS LESSON QUIZ ANSWER*
Before we dive into today’s lesson, let’s close out the quiz from Lesson 6.
You were asked what to do when someone from your past resurfaces with:
“I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. Can we talk? I feel like we never got closure.”
The correct dark-side answer?
D.
D) Decide you don’t need closure to move forward—and choose distance.
(No response. No explanation. Just peace.)
Because here’s the truth:
Closure requires cooperation.
Healing does not.
Distance already gave you the answer.
Alright...
Now let’s talk about the place where people lie the most while calling it “romance.”
LESSON #7 — Stop Auditioning. Start Disqualifying.
If Lesson 6 taught you that you don’t need closure,
Lesson 7 teaches you something even more uncomfortable:
You don’t need to be liked.
You need to be aligned.
Let’s break it down, dark-side style…
Dating Is Not an Interview — It’s a Filter
Most people date like they’re on probation.
They’re not asking: “Is this person right for me?”
They’re asking:
“Am I being cool enough?”
“Am I too much?”
“Should I wait to say that?”
“Should I pretend I don’t care?”
That’s not dating.
That’s auditioning.
And dark-side logic says:
If you have to perform to keep someone interested, you’re not compatible — you’re employed.
The Mask You Wear Early Becomes the Expectation
This is where people screw themselves.
You hide your needs early.
You soften your boundaries.
You act flexible about things you absolutely are not flexible about.
You play “low-maintenance” like it’s a personality trait.
And then six months later, when you finally speak up?
“You’ve changed.”
“You didn’t say this before.”
“This feels unfair.”
No.
What’s unfair is expecting someone to maintain a character they were playing to be chosen.
Dark-side truth:
The version of you they meet is the version they expect to keep.
Honesty Early Isn’t Brutal — It’s Efficient
People love to say:
“Maybe don’t say everything right away.”
“You don’t want to scare people off.”
“Ease into it.”
Translation:
Lie gently and hope compatibility magically appears.
Dark-side dating flips that on its head.
You say what you want early because:
the wrong people leave faster
the right people lean in
and nobody wastes months pretending
If honesty scares someone off?
Congratulations.
The filter worked.
Ghosting After Honesty Is Not Rejection — It’s Confirmation
Let’s clear this up:
People who disappear after you state your needs didn’t “lose interest.”
They lost control.
They realized:
they couldn’t coast
they couldn’t half-ass it
they couldn’t rely on you shrinking
So they left.
And instead of spiraling, the dark side says:
Good. That saved me time.
Compatibility Doesn’t Require Shrinking
You are not “too much.”
You are not “intimidating.”
You are not “asking for a lot.”
You’re asking for:
consistency
communication
respect
alignment
People who benefit from vagueness hate clarity.
That’s not a flaw in you.
That’s a feature.
THE SCENARIO — The Early Honesty Moment
You’re a few dates in.
The chemistry is good.
The vibe is fun.
And you feel that familiar urge to edit yourself.
There’s something you know you need:
consistency
space
clear communication
emotional maturity
long-term intent
Old-you thinks:
“I’ll say it later.”
Dark-side you thinks:
“If this scares them, they were never for me.”
So you say it.
Calmly.
Clearly.
Without apology.
And you watch what happens next.
They hesitate.
They pull back.
They change the subject.
Or they disappear entirely.
And instead of panicking, you feel… relief.
Because you didn’t lose anything.
You avoided something.
SURVIVAL QUIZ
Dark-side pop quiz time!
Let’s see if you choose survival…
…or trade your spine for approval and label it “connection.”
THE QUIZ SCENARIO — The Compatibility Test
You’re early into dating someone new.
Things are “easy.”
They keep saying they like how “chill” you are.
But there’s a real need/want you haven’t voiced yet.
And you know this moment matters.
Your dark side taps the mic.
THE QUESTION:
What’s the actual DARK-SIDE survival move here?
Choose carefully — only ONE answer leads to real compatibility.
A) Keep quiet and stay agreeable so you don’t mess up the vibe.
(Congrats. You just hired yourself into a role you’ll resent.)
B) Hint at what you want and hope they figure it out.
(They won’t. And you’ll be mad about it later.)
C) Clearly state what you need and let their response determine whether you continue.
(This is the filter. This is the power move.)
D) Downplay your needs so you seem “low-maintenance.”
(You just guaranteed future arguments.)
COMMENT YOUR PICK — the official dark-side answer gets revealed at the start of Lesson 8.
Choose wisely… or wake up wondering when your personality clocked out and never came back.
Missed Previous Lessons? Check them out here: Lessons from the Dark Side
— Loretta
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