LESSON #15 — The Dark Side of “Good Intentions”: Why Meaning Well Still Wrecks Things
- Loretta & David Allseitz
- Jan 27
- 3 min read
AKA: Intent explains behavior. It doesn’t excuse the damage.
PREVIOUS LESSON QUIZ ANSWER
You were asked how to respond when someone comes on strong early, says all the right things, but can’t maintain effort once the novelty wears off.
The correct dark-side answer?
B) Watch what they repeat — and believe that pattern
Not their potential.
Not their promises.
Not the version of them you met during the audition phase.
Repetition is truth.
Because anyone can impress you once.
Patterns are where honesty lives.
Which brings us directly to today’s lesson — the excuse people use when patterns get uncomfortable.
Good Intentions Are the Most Popular Alibi
People love to say:
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“My intentions were good.”
“I was just trying to help.”
“You know my heart.”
Cool.
Intent explains why something happened.
It does not undo what happened.
And it sure as hell doesn’t erase the impact.
Why “I Meant Well” Is So Dangerous
Good intentions feel moral.
They sound soft.
They sound harmless.
They sound like effort.
But here’s the dark-side truth:
Intent is invisible. Impact is not.
You don’t live inside someone’s motives.
You live with their behavior.
And behavior that hurts still hurts — even when it comes wrapped in sincerity.
Intent Is Internal. Impact Is Shared.
Intent lives in someone’s head.
Impact lives in the room.
That’s why adults are responsible for outcomes — not just feelings.
You don’t get credit for meaning to be respectful.
You get credit for being respectful.
Anything else is emotional intent laundering.
How “Good Intentions” Keep Bad Patterns Alive
Here’s what happens when intent gets prioritized over impact:
behavior never changes
accountability gets postponed
the harmed person gets silenced
the same issue repeats with better excuses
People hide behind intent when they don’t want to adjust behavior.
It’s safer to defend motives than fix patterns.
The Manipulation Nobody Wants to Name
Some people don’t use good intentions to explain themselves.
They use them to shut you up.
“If you know I didn’t mean harm, why are you upset?”
“If my heart was in the right place, why are you making this a thing?”
Dark-side translation:
Please stop reacting so I don’t have to change.
That’s not misunderstanding.
That’s control.
Why Impact Makes People Uncomfortable
Impact removes plausible deniability.
It forces questions like:
What actually happened?
What keeps repeating?
What am I responsible for?
What needs to change?
Intent lets people stay comfortable.
Impact demands growth.
Guess which one most people choose?
THE SCENARIO — The Well-Meaning Wrecking Ball
Someone does something that crosses a line.
Again.
You bring it up — calmly, clearly, without theatrics.
They respond with:
“That wasn’t my intention.”
“I was just trying to help.”
“You’re taking it the wrong way.”
Your dark side clocks it immediately.
They didn’t ask how it landed.
They defended how it started.
And now you’re expected to absorb the impact…so they don’t have to carry accountability.
Nope.
SURVIVAL QUIZ — The Intent vs Impact Test
Dark-side pop quiz time!
Let’s see if you choose survival…
…or let “I meant well” become the universal get-out-of-accountability card.
THE QUIZ SCENARIO
Someone’s actions consistently frustrate, hurt, or cross your boundaries.
When you bring it up, they default to:
“That wasn’t my intention.”
Your dark side leans in.
This is a setup. Choose wisely.
THE QUESTION:
What’s the actual DARK-SIDE survival move here?
Choose carefully:
A) Accept the explanation and move on
(Intent doesn’t heal impact.)
B) Minimize your reaction to keep the peace
(Peace at your expense is compliance.)
C) Focus the conversation on impact and what needs to change
(This is accountability.)
D) Drop it entirely because “they meant well”
(So they can do it again.)
COMMENT YOUR PICK — the official dark-side answer gets revealed at the start of the next lesson.
Choose wisely… or keep giving gold stars for effort while eating the consequences.
Missed previous lessons? Check them out here: Lessons from the Dark Side 💀
— Unmasking Evil
Villains Welcome.
*If you’re drawn to dark truths and the stories they leave behind, start with The Dollmaker of Point on Amazon.
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